Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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