fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
