Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It's blow job season.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
