i think i have two assholes
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
