That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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