I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
