Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
