guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
