My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
