you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I am one with the molecules
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
