Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
