Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
