in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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