i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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