Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
