Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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