well I can't set my house on fire every night
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
