I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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