i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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