im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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