I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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