Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
