I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
