Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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