thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
