Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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