Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
All I want is dick and wine.
A bitchslap is in order.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
