i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she peed on how many people?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
