I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I need a hoe opinion
go on
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
