either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
