Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
