oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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