bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
