i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
