You're so nebulous sometimes
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
