Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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