that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
