i already hear my dad disowning me
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
