id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize
