my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
