I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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