You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
