i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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