does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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