Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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