I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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