we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
