He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
