Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
