my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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