i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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