Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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