Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
