She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
