When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
