I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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