I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
