we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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