There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
