$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
