It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
