I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
