she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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