Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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