She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
